If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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