how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
