My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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