I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
