he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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