he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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