Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
