Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
