I'm really into asian looking animals
I don't think brook has ever known best
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
