i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
did you just send me my own nude
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
