when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
