Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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