Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
