guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
