I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
