ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
