oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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