Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
