I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
