lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
