you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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