What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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