Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a hot homeless man
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
