She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
