don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
