she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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