It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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