Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
