im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
