Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
