Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
