You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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