u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
