Can i not drive my cunt home
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
