True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
