uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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