look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
