So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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