Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
