It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
