don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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