stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
