She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
