she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
