I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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