Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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