It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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