no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
