Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
