Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
